Regretter
by cole-lit
Summary: If life gave Iemitsu a choice, he would have chosen her time and time again. But it never did. (In which Iemitsu has two regrets: meeting Nana and having Tsuna.) A gift-fic to Ki-hori-e-te-ao for KHR!SecretSanta 2014.


Sawada Iemitsu is a man of a few regrets. How could he have them when the motto of the Famiglia he's serving is "Live with Your Dying Will!"? The motto of the Vongola, his Family determined by blood - the blood in his veins and the blood he shed from its enemies. His Family _not_ by choice.

(In times of desperation, there _are no choices_.)

And so, despite his _occupation_, he lives by this motto. Despite all the lives he has ruined, taken, or _worse_, he does _not regret_.

If he regrets - even once - then he will not be able to do it again. Or worse, he will question his actions, which will, no doubt, lead to his hesitation. And on the battlefield - whether literally or figuratively - there is no room for hesitation because it would lead to death.

(And he can't die, _not yet_. Not until he can assure a heaven for the _angels_ - _his_ angels.)

So when he does regret, he regrets the things he could have done differently. Things he _would_ have done differently given a chance.

He only ever regrets meeting Nana and having Tsunayoshi.

**_. . ._**

The first time he met Sawada Nana was the first day of his life. In hindsight, he could not imagine how could he have ever thought he was living before she graced his life with her magnificence. He knew, the very moment his eyes laid on her wondrous perfection, that he has only been living a _farce_ of a life - if he could even dare call it a _life_.

His life started on a simple sunny day. So deceptively simple that he, with his strong gut feeling, didn't even get a hint that his life would change. That his life would finally - _finally_ - begin.

(He would later find out that his _strong_ gut feeling was only a _weak_ version of the famed Vongola Hyper-Intuition, which would explain why he had no clue back then. And sometimes, even now.)

When she walked into the simple cafe, where worked as a part-time waiter, his world immediately stopped and shattered.

And completely rebuilt anew.

Because the first time he laid eyes on Sawada Nana, it was the first time he was truly able to see. For how could he have claimed to have sight when he didn't know what beauty was until he saw her loveliness? He knew that he was a blind man until this very moment.

And when he went to her table to take her order, he realized that _seeing_ and _truly seeing_ were two different things.

Because when she smiled, his vision was suddenly put into clarity because of her resplendence.

The first time he was able to hear was when she laughed at his clumsy stupidity. (And in his defense, anyone would feel clumsy and stupid in front of a goddess with her grace and elegance.) Like a deaf man who was given a chance to hear music in its perfection, her tinkling laughter was music to his ears. He knew that it was better - _is_ better - than anything that could be considered music by any human, because he refused to believe that anything _that beautiful_ could be made by humans.

(And she still hasn't proven him wrong, yet. And he doubts she will ever prove him wrong.)

The first time he was able to feel was when she offered her hand to help him up after his fall. As he took her proffered hand, he nearly reeled back at the amount of sensations he felt - her soft silken skin hiding the steel (in her grip) underneath, the gentle warmth she gave that cooled his own burning hand (thanks to spilling the tea by accident).

And though he helped her up, he only fell harder for her.

How could he have ever lived without her touch for so long?

But more importantly, how could he ever live on without her touch?

So the simple high school student, who was working in several part-time jobs such as this one to make ends meet, dared to ask the goddess, who was studying in a private high school (judging by her uniform), out on a date because it was love at first sight. And he couldn't let her out of his sight any longer. He _wouldn't_ let her out of his sight any longer.

And for some _godforsaken _(because he knows there's no such thing as heaven for people like him) reason, she said yes.

And so he dared to ask for another date. And for some reason, she said yes once more. He kept asking for more and she kept saying yes.

Eventually, the day came when he was first able to taste. And it was a wonderful sensation, one of the best experiences in the world and how could he have ever lived without it? She cooked him a feast fit for a king, even though he was only a pauper, not even a prince.

(Though he wished - he wishes - that someday, he could be the king that deserves a Queen like her.)

And then came the day when he was first able to smell, the most potent of all senses. For it was through the sense of smell that memories were best-linked with. And with the night's pleasurable activities lingering on her skin - the scent of her and him _together_ - as she laid in his arms, he tried imagining of reliving this moment only in his memories.

And it was _impossible_.

(Even though these days, memories of her and him together are all he has.)

So he undertook a _less_ impossible - but no less daunting - task of wooing her family. But how can a no-name orphan boy like him marry the youngest daughter of the Sawadas? How can he, who can't get into college for both lack of intelligence and money, marry into the prestigious Sawada clan?

All he was good at was fighting, producing magical flames, and staying alive despite all the trouble he can get into. And that was exactly what the Vongola was looking for.

And then they found out his connection to the Ninth Don, and he was set - He now has the chance to marry his _beloved_.

**_. . . _**

But all things have a price and the price of the Vongola and its opportunities is _Hell_.

And so, he regrets ever meeting Nana because an angel - a _goddess_ - like her didn't deserve to be dragged down to hell by _scum - _like _him_.

**_. . ._**

He wanted to have a child with Nana, if only to provide her a reminder of the days (and nights) they spent together. A replacement for himself because he wanted to spare her from the enemies of the Vongola. Enemies that would not hesitate to destroy her, or worse, like he has done to them for the sake of the Famiglia.

Of course, he didn't realize that instead of targeting her, they would target _him_.

His precious Tsunayoshi, his flesh and blood. His _son_. _Their_ perfect son. Which was to be expected since Nana was the epitome of perfection and he knew his son would inherit her perfection. And that was not all he inherited from her.

His dear Tsunayoshi got her emotive eyes, which hid nothing and saw everything; her delicate build, which deceptively hid his indomitable strength and will; and her gentle hands, which was built for both protecting and healing.

His darling Tsunayoshi, on the other hand, got Iemitsu's Sky Flames, his gravity-defying hair, and his smile.

His replacement was a perfect mixture of himself and Nana. (A mixture that had more from Nana than him, but then she was his better half, so he loved her and Tsunayoshi all the more for it.)

But Tsuna proved him wrong because he was _not Iemitsu's replacement _because despite growing up, Tsuna never grew out of being clumsy, weak, and a failure.

He was clumsy in making friends, in earning his power - in all things he did, to be honest. And that makes him both lovable and admirable because of his charming manner in picking himself up after tripping into his relationships and power.

He was weak, at least in the eyes of the Underworld, where compassion and mercy were faults that should be taken advantage of. But despite living in a world where blood and money ruled, he kept his compassion; he kept his mercy. And soon it was _he _who ruled the Underworld instead.

He was a failure. He failed in admitting defeat, having a stubborn streak a mile wide that he even cowed the greatest hitman into doing his bidding (willingly, at that). He was a failure in all the right ways.

**_. . ._**

And so, he regrets having Tsunayoshi, thinking that he would be a replacement for Iemitsu while he's away because Tsuna was no one's replacement, much less his.

His son is a much better man than him.

**_. . ._**

He regrets because given a _chance_ - between Tsuna and the world, between Nana and the world; he would _choose them_. He would choose _her_, time and time again.

If he was honest, it was more of a compulsion than a choice. A necessity, like the fish needing water or the Sky needing Guardians.

But he never had the chance to _choose_.

**_End._**

_i hope you enjoy this fic, **Ki-hori-e-te-ao**. i tried making__ iemitsu both likable and a douche and i tried making this fic kinda angsty because your profile said you liked angst. (i hope i read that right.)_

_so, to you, and to anyone who drops by, i hope you enjoy the fic. and have a happy holiday!_


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